Unrequitted Love or Not
by lil'hp fan124
Summary: It's been a year since the Kyoko incident. Since then, Hisoka's developed feeling for his partner, Tsuzuki...But he's afraid to admit it. Can a vacation to Nagasaki bring these Shinigami closer or tear them apart?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Yami no Matsuei. I wish I did but unfortunately I don't.

'_Italic'_ are the characters thoughts

A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first YnM fic, so please be gentle! I'm sorry if Hisoka and Tsuzuki are kinda OOC. It's been a bit since I've seen the anime. Please remember to R&R!

Gomen- I'm sorry

Daijoubu- It's all right

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(Hisoka's POV) 

I glanced out my window and inwardly sighed. Tsuzuki and I were on a train to Nagasaki. This time we were going for a vacation, instead of a case. It was a relief to get away from work, if only for a week.

Unfortunately, Tsuzuki and I were the only passengers in the compartment. But, that wasn't what was bothering me. For the past few weeks I've had a hard time being around my partner because. . . I like him. No, not like, love perhaps. To make matters worse, Tsuzuki has no idea how I feel about him. I've tried telling him before, but I always end up backing out in the end.

To be honest, I'm scared, terrified of Tsuzuki's reaction. I don't want him to be mad at me or push me away. But that's all going to change because today I'm going to tell him the way I feel or try to at least. I turned my head and stole a glance at Tsuzuki, who was sitting in the seat across from me. Feeling my stare, he looked at me and smiled. I blinked and felt my cheeks begin to burn.

"Are you excited about going back to Nagasaki, Soka-chan?" Tsuzuki asked, smiling.

"Y-yeah," I stammered and looked away._' I have to tell him,'_ I thought, watching passing scenery.

"Um…" I began hesitantly. "Tsuzuki…?"

"Hmm?" Tsuzuki glanced at me.

"I…I have to tell you something."

He frowned. "Is something wrong?"

"No," I answered quickly. "Nothing's wrong." _'Except that I'm in love with you and terrified that you'll reject me.'_

"I…I," I felt my throat tighten. Why was this so hard to say? "It's just that I…" I trailed off, feeling helpless.

"Hisoka, are you all right?" Tsuzuki said, looking concerned.

I nodded and took a deep breath. "Tsuzuki, I…I like you," I said. I blushed and looked away. An awkward silence filled the compartment.

_'He must be pretty stunned if he hasn't said anything.'_ I thought, after a minute or two of silence. _'I'm such an idiot! Why did I have to tell him? Why? I must have looked like such a kid blushing and stuttering like that!'_

"Hisoka?"

I turned and looked. Fortunately, Tsuzuki didn't seem too shocked. That or he was doing a really good job at hiding it. He got up and sat next to me.

"Hisoka," Tsuzuki said, turning towards me. "I'm flattered that you think of me in that way. But you're like a younger brother to me and I just don't like you in that way. Gomen, please don't take it the wrong way."

_'A younger brother…'_ I thought staring at the floor.

"Hisoka?" Tsuzuki said gently, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I shrugged him off. "Daijoubu," I muttered.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded and proceeded to stare out the window. I heard Tsuzuki get up and return to his seat. I didn't speak to Tsuzuki for the remainder of the trip.

It was late afternoon when we finally arrived at our inn. After unpacking, Tsuzuki suggested we order take out. I reluctantly agreed.

Dinner was extremely awkward. Neither of us spoke a word. '_I shouldn't have told him.'_ I thought, taking a bite of rice. _'Things wouldn't be this awkward if I'd just kept my mouth shut.'_

I pushed my plate away. "I'm going for a walk." I said, standing up.

Tsuzuki wordlessly nodded. I was about to leave, when I heard Tsuzuki's voice.

"Hisoka?"

I paused and looked back at him. "Yes?"

"Be careful on your walk," he said.

I nodded. "I will."

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A/N: Ok people, that's chapter one. Sorry if it's a bit short. I promise chapter two will be longer. Please remember to review! Arigatou gozaimasu! 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: See Chapter One

'_Italic' _are the characters thoughts

_**"Bold & Italic"**_ are the characters memories

A/N: Wow! 6 reviews on the first chapter! Thanks so much to everyone who R&R. For those of you who didn't, please remember to R&R at the end of this chapter. Remember it's your reviews that give me the inspiration to write! By the way, I noticed how everyone felt so bad for Hisoka in the last chapter. Don't worry though, he cheers up a little in this chapter.

Arigatou- Thanks

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(Hisoka's POV) 

I glanced up at the sky, which was slowly turning pink. _'I should go back. It's going to get dark soon.' _I quickly made my way back to the inn.

I found the room unusually quiet when I got back. But it wasn't until I passed the bathroom and saw steam coming out from underneath the door; I realized that Tsuzuki was taking a shower. I winced as I heard Tsuzuki begin to sing.

_' I swear, it's like he waited for me to get back just to annoy me.' _I thought, shutting my bedroom door. I laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling.

_**"You're like a younger brother..."**_

_'A younger brother,' _I thought. _'He only thinks of me as a brother, nothing more.' _I reminded myself. _'Tsuzuki... It hurt what you told me on the train. You're the only person I've ever felt this way about. I was so caught up in telling you how I feel, I never thought what would happen if you rejected me.'_

"Hisoka?" Tsuzuki's voice interrupted my thoughts.

I sat up and looked. Tsuzuki was standing in the doorway with a white towel around his waist. His hair was damp and his chest glistened with water. I quickly looked away, blushing furiously.

"The shower's ready if you want to take one." Tsuzuki said.

"Okay," I replied, avoiding his gaze. I heard the door shut and sighed._ 'Couldn't he have knocked at least?'_

-o-

I tossed and turned, feeling restless. I sat up and checked my watch, which read three am. I sighed and fell back against my pillows.

_'Three hours...' _I thought._ 'I've been lying here for three hours. Why can't I fall back asleep?' _I stared at the ceiling for another minute before getting up. If I was going to be awake for the rest of the night, I might as well do something. After checking that Tsuzuki was still asleep, I went outside.

I reached the bridge I had visited earlier and leaned on the railing._ 'Tsuzuki...' _I looked out at the water and sighed._ 'I finally told you how I feel. I just hope you're not mad because of what I said. Even if you don't feel the same way, I'm glad I told you. I don't want my feeling to pull us apart, Tsuzuki...because I'd hate to be alone again.'_

I suddenly felt something drop onto my shoulders. I realized a second later it was Tsuzuki's jacket.

"You'll catch a cold if you stay out here like that," said a voice.

"Tsuzuki," I said, surprised. "How-how did you know I was here?"

"I heard you leave," he replied. "When you didn't come back after a while, I got worried. So I went out to look for you." Tsuzuki explained sheepishly.

"Arigatou..." I muttered, slipping the jacket on._ 'He was worried about me?'_

"What are you doing up so late, anyway?" he asked.

"I couldn't sleep," I admitted.

"Did you get tired of counting sheep?" Tsuzuki joked.

I couldn't help but smile. "I guess..."

We stood in silence for a few minutes, admiring the water.

"Tsuzuki..." I said suddenly, breaking the silence. "I'm...sorry about what I said earlier. I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable or anything."

"You don't have to apologize, Hisoka. You haven't done anything wrong." Tsuzuki said quietly.

"You're not mad, then?"

Tsuzuki looked surprised. "Mad? No, why would I be mad?"

I stared down at the water and didn't reply.

"It must have been hard," Tsuzuki said. I turned and looked at him.

"It must have taken a lot of courage to say that. Not everyone can express their feelings like that." He turned towards me and smiled. "I'm proud of you, Hisoka, for admitting that today."

"Tsuzuki..." I felt lost for words.

Tsuzuki stretched and rubbed the back of his head. "Well, it's getting late. I'm going to go back now. Are you coming?"

I shook my head. "I think I'll stay here for a little bit."

He smiled. "All right. Just don't stay out too long."

"I won't," I promised and watched Tsuzuki's retreating figure. I turned and glanced back at the water.

_**"I'm proud of you, Hisoka..."**_

_'No one's ever said that to me before.' _I thought._ 'Hearing Tsuzuki say it though...' _I flushed and shook my head. Stop it, I told myself firmly. He doesn't like you in that way. _'I know he doesn't,' _I thought miserably._ 'But I can't help the way I feel about him.' _Yes, you can._ 'No, I can't.' _Yes, you can. _'No, I can't.'_

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair._ 'I have to stop arguing with myself. I'm probably just tired.' _I pulled Tsuzuki's jacket closer around me and walked back to the inn.

Once I was inside, I quickly headed towards my room. I dropped the jacket on the back of a chair before crawling back into bed.

_'I still can't believe he said that...' _I thought drowsily, before falling asleep.

The next morning I woke up feeling surprisingly refreshed. After making a pot full of tea, I sat at the table and glanced out the window. My thoughts wandered to the night before.

_'Maybe I'm overreacting,' _I thought, sipping my tea. _'Maybe Tsuzuki only said that to cheer me up. Maybe he didn't mean anything by it.' _I shook my head._ 'No. Tsuzuki wouldn't do that. He wouldn't say something if he didn't mean it.' _I set my cup down and sighed._ 'This vacation was suppose to be for relaxing. But so far I've only given myself a headache over you, Tsuzuki_.'

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A/N: Sorry I took so long to update, I never really got around to typing the chapter up. Anyhoo, hope you liked this chapter and don't forget to review! Arigatou gozaimasu! 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

A/N: 9 reviews for chapter 2!! Yay! I'm so glad everyone likes it so far. Sorry if it's been a while since my last update, I tend to get writer's block before the holidays. But I managed to write this chapter in 4 days and I'm starting to work on chapter 5. School's going to start tomorrow and mid-terms are at the end of the month, so I'm not sure how much time I'll have for writing. But anyhoo, here's chapter 3!

_'Italic' _are the characters' thoughts

Gomen- I'm sorry

* * *

(Hisoka's POV)

I stared out the window absentmindedly, lost in thought. I started, however, when I heard a voice.

"Good morning, Hisoka!"

I looked up, startled, to find Tsuzuki sitting across from me.

"Oh! Gomen. Did I startle you?" Tsuzuki asked.

"N-no. I'm fine." I stammered.

He smiled and began to ramble on about something or other.

I couldn't help but stare as Tsuzuki babbled on. His amethyst eyes sparkled as his voice rose in excitement.

_ 'Tsuzuki. . .' _I thought, watching as he waved his hands animately._ 'How am I suppose to get over you if I'm completely in love with you? But then again. . . you don't love me back. So what's the point, really? There isn't really much hope in loving someone who doesn't love you back. Kind of like a rose. They're nice to look at but you can't touch them because of their thorns. Sort of like my feelings for you, Tsuzuki. You're nice to look at, but I can't touch you because I can't have you. . .You're just like something that's always out of reach. I've tried so hard -" _But my thoughts were suddenly interrupted.

"So what do you say we go after we get dressed?"

"Um..." My mind went blank. "Gomen, Tsuzuki. . . I wasn't really paying attention." I finished lamely. I looked away, feeling embarrassed. I didn't want Tsuzuki to think I was ignoring him because I really wasn't. It's just that it's really hard to keep up with what he's saying.

There's been so many times where I've talked with him and I'll have no idea what we've been talking about for the past fifteen minutes. It's not that I don't pay attention to him because I do. It's just that I have no idea what he's talking about most, if not all the time. Often on more than one occasion, Tsuzuki would ask me a question, which of course, I'd have no idea how to answer. So I'd usually settle for a confused look on my face. He'd always smile and say, "You're so funny, Soka-chan!" I'd then respond by blushing and saying something stupid.

It turned out that Tsuzuki had been telling me earlier about a new pastry shop that had opened. Which, according to him, he had been dying (no pun intended) to visit.

_ 'Why does it not surprise me?' _I thought, sweat dropping. I had changed and was now in the sitting room, leaning against one of the windows. _'Tsuzuki's taking a really long time to get dressed though.'_ I had been waiting for almost half an hour and was beginning to feel irritated.

"Tsuzuki!" I called. "You're the one who said you wanted to go. So why is it taking you so long?"

"Coming!"

I sighed impatiently and sat down. A second later, however, Tsuzuki came out of his room, fully dressed.

"Well that was fast," I said, surprised. "I thought we were going to be here for at least another hour."

"Hey, I don't take that long." Tsuzuki said indignantly. "Just let me get my keys and we'll go." He frowned. "Now where did I put them?"

I rolled my eyes. "Here we go."

"I know I had them with me last night, but I can't remember where I put them."

"Did you check your pockets?" I asked dully. I watched as he dug his hands into his pockets and pulled a small set of keys from one of them.

"Found them!" Tsuzuki exclaimed. "Thanks so much, Hisoka!" He smiled at me happily.

I blushed and quickly dropped my gaze. "No problem," I muttered.

"Are you ready to go then?"

I nodded and wordlessly followed Tsuzuki out the door.

The pastry shop, Sweet Delights, was a fifteen minute walk from the inn. Tsuzuki, however, insisted that we run.

"Run?" I looked at him curiously. "Why do we have to run?"

"So we can get there early of course!"

I bit my lip. Somehow running through Nagasaki with a hyper Tsuzuki didn't sound like a good idea. "Then why don't you run there and I'll walk. I'll meet up with you when I get there."

Tsuzuki looked at me. "Do you really think I'm going to let you walk around Nagasaki by yourself?"

I blushed and didn't reply.

"Or better yet, why don't we just take a cab there?"

"Tsuzuki, I really don't think we should be wasting money on a cab if we can walk." I frowned.

"But you know, taking a cab would get us there a lot faster." Tsuzuki smiled.

"Could we please just walk there, Tsuzuki?" I asked, silently hoping he would change his mind.

Tsuzuki was quiet for a moment before smiling. "Okay. We'll walk then." He turned and began to walk down the street.

I stood there, feeling stunned. Tsuzuki had actually agreed to walk. I had half expected him to insist on taking a cab until I gave in. It was a minute before I realized Tsuzuki was already half way down the street.

"Tsuzuki, wait!" I called, and quickened my pace. I watched Tsuzuki pause and wait for me. "So, wait," I said, catching up with him. "We're really going to walk there?"

He looked at me. "That's what you wanted, right?" Tsuzuki asked.

I faltered a bit under his gaze. "Y-yeah."

His expression changed and he suddenly smiled warmly. "Then let's go, Hisoka."

"Okay." I nodded and we continued to walk.

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A/N: Ok, so that was chapter 3. I'm not to sure if I really like how it came out though. But I had fun writing the part where Hisoka gets annoyed. I could totally picture Tsuzuki 'losing' his keys. Hope you liked it, please remember to R&R! Arigatou gozaimasu! 


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

A/N: Sorry if it's been forever since I last updated. I know I've probably lost a lot of readers over the past few months (since there were only 2 reviews last chapter sweatdrops) , so thanks a lot to the readers who have been patient! Anyhoo, here's chapter 4! Don't forget to R&R!

_'italic'_ are the characters' thoughts

Hai- Yes

Baka- Idiot

Iie- No

Arigatou- Thanks

* * *

(Hisoka's POV)

The day was bright and warm as Tsuzuki and I made our way to the pastry shop. Tsuzuki hummed happily. I could tell he was pleased about going. I could feel his excitement rolling off in waves. I quickly spotted a colorful sign that read, "Sweet Delights" in the distance. Tsuzuki continued humming until we were in front of the shop.

"Hey Hisoka," he said, stopping suddenly. "You've been awfully quiet. Are you all right?"

I immediately felt his excitement change to a sense of concern.

"H-hai," I answered. I staggered a bit, still slightly overwhelmed by his sudden change of emotions. Tsuzuki quickly caught me by the arm before I fell. His expression was worried.

I still had some trouble being around Tsuzuki. Especially when it came to his emotions, which were unpredictable and constantly changing.

"It's okay." I tried to assure him. "I'm fine. I just got dizzy for a second."

"We can go back if you're not feeling well, Hisoka."

I quickly shook my head. "No, that's okay." I felt bad for making Tsuzuki worry so much. I knew he had been looking forward to going to the shop and I didn't want to ruin it for him.

Tsuzuki, who was still holding my arm, suddenly pulled me against him.

"T-Tsuzuki?" I said, surprised. I blushed as I realized how close his body was to mine. _'What is he doing?'_

Tsuzuki brought his face closer to mine. I felt my heart skip a beat. His forehead pressed lightly against mine. _'Is he going to -'_

"That's good. You don't have a fever."

I blinked. "What?"

"A fever," he repeated as he pulled away from me. "I was worried you were getting sick or something."

"Oh. Right." I said, feeling embarrassed._ 'Baka!'_ I scolded myself. _'A fever. That's all he was checking for.'_I was an idiot for thinking that for a split second, Tsuzuki was going to kiss me.

"Hisoka?"

I tried to calm down. I was still blushing and my heart was beating rapidly. I quickly managed to regain my composure before looking at him.

"Do you want to go in now?" Tsuzuki asked. His tone was gentle. I could tell he was still worried about what had happened.

I glanced towards the shop window, becoming slightly uneasy. The pastry shop looked as though it might burst from the amount of people inside.

Tsuzuki noticed my glance towards the shop and quickly said, "But we don't have to go in if you don't want to."

I shook my head. "Iie. That's all right." Closing my eyes, I strengthened my shields.

"Are you sure?"

I sighed, slowly beginning to feel the effects of a headache coming on. "Yes. Now let's go inside before I change my mind."

"Arigatou, Hisoka!" Tsuzuki said happily. He grabbed my hand and dragged me inside.

My cheeks burned. "Tsuzuki!"

A few of the customers gave us curious looks.

I quickly pulled my hand away, feeling embarrassed by people's stares.

"Let's go sit by the window, Soka!" Tsuzuki pointed at an empty table near the window.

I nodded and followed him to the small table. I sat down and glanced at Tsuzuki, who had remained standing.

"I'm going to go order. Is there anything you want?" Tsuzuki asked.

"Just coffee would be okay." I answered.

He frowned. "That's all? But you haven't eaten anything all morning, Hisoka."

"Tsuzuki," I began.

"Why don't I get you some bread? I hear this shop's bread is suppose to be really good."

"But-"

"Just sit here until I get back, okay?" He left before I could reply.

I sighed and rubbed my temples. My head was pounding. I knew I had a bottle of aspirin in my room back at the inn.

_'I really need one. But...'_I looked over to where Tsuzuki was standing in line, waiting for his order to be taken. _'I can't just leave though. He'd get worried if he comes back and doesn't find me here. But then again if I do tell him, he'd insist on going back to the inn. I wouldn't want that to happen though. I know he really wanted me to come with him today.'_

I sighed and glanced down at the table. _'I'll just have to hold it out until we get back to the inn. There's no use in making him worry again.'_I turned my head and looked out the window. I watched people walk by for a few minutes before staring at the spot Tsuzuki and I had been standing earlier. A faint blush appeared on my cheeks as I thought of the incident.

_'He was really warm,'_ I thought, remembering how close his body had been to mine and how safe I had felt with his arms around me. I sighed and dropped my head into my hands. _'I really have to stop thinking about Tsuzuki or I'm never going to get over him.'_Which was easier said than done, considering I was around Tsuzuki 24/7. I lifted my head from my hands and stared out the window again. _'I wonder what's taking him so long?'_

"Here you go!"

I looked up to see Tsuzuki place a mug of coffee and a small plate with two thick slices of bread in front of me.

"Sorry I took so long." Tsuzuki said as he sat down. I sweatdropped as I noticed four large plates piled high with pastries and cakes.

Tsuzuki took a pastry off his plate and bit into it. "You wouldn't believe how long I had to wait. There must have been at least ten people before me."

I sipped my coffee and didn't reply. My headache was lessening, thanks to the caffeine. I glanced at the bread on my plate, uncertainty creeping up inside my chest. Tsuzuki was known for his sweet tooth. Was it possible that during his excitement of ordering, he had gotten sweet bread?

"I know you don't really like sweet things. So that's why I got you plain bread." Tsuzuki explained, as if he had read my thoughts.

I flushed and quickly looked away. _'He remembered...'_

"Arigatou," I said and smiled hesitantly.

Seeing this, he smiled happily back.

Despite my shields I clearly sensed Tsuzuki's happiness. He was pleased that I had smiled.

_'Hisoka has such a nice smile. He should really smile more often.'_

My heart fluttered. _'He thinks I have a nice smile?'_ I thought, feeling overwhelmingly pleased at the compliment. Unaware that I had heard his thought, I let a smile play on my lips for the rest of the day.

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A/N: I can't say I really like how this chapter ended, but I guess it'll have to do. Anyways, please remember to R&R! Arigatou gozaimasu!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

A/N: I'm sorry that this fic has been on hiatus for more than a year now. I tend to get writer's block easily and it's taken me some time to reorganize my thoughts to figure out where exactly this story is going. Anyway, I really appreciate the readers who are still with me after all this time. Please remember to R&R!

_'italic'_ are the characters' thoughts or emphasis on a specific word

**bold **are memories

Ne- Hey

Iie- No

Baka- Idiot

Aa- Yeah

Gomen- I'm sorry

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(Hisoka's POV)

I sat down on my bed and pulled my knees against my chest. Sunlight shone through the window in front of me and made pattern on the floor. I picked at a loose thread on my blanket and absentmindedly began playing with it. As I stared out the window, my thoughts fell upon the day before.

Yesterday, after having a quick breakfast, Tsuzuki and I went sight seeing. We took a lot of pictures and I remembered how much I had liked when Tsuzuki would pull me close in order for us to take a picture together. But it was what Tsuzuki had said to me during lunch that had really made me happy.

**"Hisoka, you're acting different today," Tsuzuki said.**

**I looked up from my menu, feeling uncertain.**

**Seeing the confusion on my face, he quickly shook his head. "Iie, not in a bad way though. I mean, you seem a lot happier today."**

**"Oh." I said, feeling slightly relived. **_**'I'm just happy I get to spend time with you, Tsuzuki.'**_

**"You've been smiling a lot more too," he added.**

**My heart fluttered. He had noticed! "I'm just happy we get to take a break from work. It's nice being able to relax and not have to worry about a case."**

**"I'm glad to see I've done something right."**

**I tilted my head. "What do you mean?"**

**"Well I remember when you first began my partner, you were always so cold and distant." Tsuzuki replied. "I made a promise to myself that I'd get you to smile. So seeing you smile really makes me feel like I've actually done something right for once. I'm glad that you're able to smile and be happier, Hisoka because you deserve it. You really do. And seeing you happy makes me happy too."**

**"Tsuzuki..." I couldn't think of anything else to say. No one had ever told me that before. That my happpiness had caused them happiness.**

I hugged my knees and couldn't help but smile. Tsuzuki's words had had a great affect on me. Although I had been stunned by them at first, that feeling had changed into something completely different. Knowing that I had been responsible for someone else's happiness, namely Tsuzuki's. Knowing that something other than sweets had caused him to be happy. That something or rather someone, being me. Knowing that I was the reason for Tsuzuki's happiness filled me with such an inexplicable feeling. A mixture of happiness and joy that filled me whenever I was with Tsuzuki or whenever I thought about him. It was then that I realized my true feelings for Tsuzuki. That what I felt was much more than just liking him. What I felt was love. I was in love with Tsuzuki. Completely in love with him.

The fact that Tsuzuki had no idea about my feelings for him was the only downside. Sure I had told him that I liked him. But I figured that there was a big difference between telling someone that you liked them and telling someone that you loved them. Not that I was planning on telling Tsuzuki anytime soon though. I remembered how difficult it had been for me to admit my feelings to him before. I knew that if I tried to admit them again, I would only end up embarrassing myself. Which meant having to face Tsuzuki's rejection again.

I felt a slight pang of pain as I remembered his rejection. But I quickly shook my head and pushed the thought to the back of my mind. I was determined to get over the incident and not let it bother me.

A knock on my door snapped me out of my thoughts. I jumped, startled by the sudden noise.

"Ne, Soka. Are you ready yet?"

"I'll be out in a second." I called back.

Tsuzuki and I were going to the beach today. Tsuzuki insisted that we go. He had claimed that today was perfect beach weather, giving us more of a reason to go.

I stood up and grabbed my book and towel off the dresser before heading to the living room. Tsuzuki stood by the door, waiting for me. He had a blanket and a towel tucked under his arm.

"Are you ready to go?"

I nodded. "Do you have the keys?"

"Right here." Tsuzuki held up a small set of keys.

"I'll carry them for you then," I said, holding out my hand. Last night I had been forced to go to the front desk and ask for another set of keys after Tsuzuki had realized he had lost his. I was determined to not let Tsuzuki lose the second set. And I figured the woman at the front desk would not be pleased to see me again anyway. If her annoyed look after I had asked for another set, was any indication.

Tsuzuki smiled sheepishly and handed me the keys. I slipped the small set into my pocket, making sure they wouldn't fall out, before Tsuzuki and I left our room.

As we stepped outside the inn, I blinked, my eyes adjusting to the sun's brightness.

"So how far is the beach from here?" I asked.

"Not far," he replied. "The woman at the front desk said it was about ten minutes from here so-"

"Did you tell her we were walking?" I interrupted.

"Um..."

Of course not.

I sighed. "Tsuzuki, go inside and ask her, before I change my mind about going."

I heard a door quickly open and close as Tsuzuki entered the inn again. It was a good thing I had decided to ask before we left. Ten minutes by car was completely different from ten minutes by foot. And Enma knows how long we would have had to walk. Tsuzuki came out of the inn a few minutes later.

"What did she say?" I asked.

"It's about ten minutes if we walk from here," Tsuzuki replied. He pointed at a street. "She says to go down this street until we get there." He quickly grabbed my hand and began to hurry down the street. "Come on, Hisoka!"

"Tsuzuki!" I protested.

I struggled to keep up with Tsuzuki as we ran down the street, earning us curious glances from people walking by.

"What's the rush to get there anyway? It's not like the beach is going anywhere."

"But the beach is so much fun, Hisoka! I promise you're going to like it."

I didn't reply as we continued down the street, maneuvering in and out of crowds to avoid running into anyone. I would have preferred to walk and thus avoid the embarrassment of being dragged down the street. Although there was one thing that made up for it. The fact that Tsuzuki was tightly grasping my hand as he dragged me along. I knew Tsuzuki had only unconsciously grabbed my hand in his excitement to get to the beach faster. But I didn't mind. I was happy that I got to hold his hand, even if it was only until we got to the beach.

Tsuzuki suddenly stopped and I winced as I walked into him.

"Baka," I said, stumbling. "Why did you stop so suddenly?"

Tsuzuki looked back at me and smiled. "See for yourself." He let go of my hand and stepped aside.

My breath caught in my throat as I stared at the beach. Tsuzuki was right when he had said that today was perfect beach weather. Except for a few clouds, the sky was clear. The sun's rays caused the water to sparkle and shimmer like tiny crystals as it lapped onto the white sand.

"It's pretty, isn't it?" Tsuzuki said after a moment.

I nodded. I blinked as I felt a sudden tug on my arm.

"Let's go pick a spot, Hisoka!" Tsuzuki said as he tugged me after him. I sighed and decided not to protest.

Tsuzuki picked a spot after a few minutes and spread the blanket along the sand. I dropped my things on the blanket and sat down, bringing my knees against my chest as I stared at the water. To my relief, there weren't many people on the beach today. Which meant I wouldn't have to worry about getting a headache due to an onslaught of emotions and thoughts. There was a soft thud as Tsuzuki dropped his towel next to mine.

"Do you want to go swimming now, Hisoka?"

I glanced up at him. Tsuzuki had taken his shirt off and was standing in his swim trunks. I blushed and quickly looked away. Of course going to the beach meant having to see Tsuzuki without a shirt on. How stupid of me to forget that minor detail.

"Hisoka?"

I managed to somewhat regain my composure before looking at him. "Um. . .not now, Tsuzuki. I think I'll rest for a little bit. Maybe later, okay?" I smiled hesitantly, hoping it would be enough to convince Tsuzuki and save myself an hour of nonstop pleading and whining.

"All right," Tsuzuki smiled. "See you in a little bit then." He turned and headed off towards the water.

I sighed and rested my head on my knees. My cheeks were still warm from having blushed earlier. Stupid blush reflex.

I hated myself for being embarrassed so easily. For blushing over nearly everything Tsuzuki said to me, at times making it painfully obvious how much I liked him. But whether he noticed or not, I was never sure. Tsuzuki often teased me over how much I blushed. Which meant that Tsuzuki still thought of me as a kid. Even though he had assured me countless times that he didn't. I couldn't blame him though. The fact that I still looked sixteen tended to have that affect on people. No matter how many times Tsuzuki said he didn't, I knew he did unconsciously because of the way I looked. Maybe that was why he had said I was like a younger brother to him.

But what if I had died older? Would it have made a difference? Would Tsuzuki see me more as an adult instead of a child? And if he did, would his feelings for me have changed as well? Would we have been together at this very moment?

I briefly closed my eyes and gave a frustrated sigh. I quickly grabbed my book and attempted to read. I needed to stop thinking like this. Making myself depressed wasn't going to make things any better. I needed to focus on what was happening now, not the twenty what if questions running through my mind. I needed to be optimistic, or at least try to be.

The fact that Tsuzuki was still here with me was definitely a good sign. That despite my confession he had chosen to stay with me. In reality, my feelings hadn't seem to bother Tsuzuki at all. Which was good because I didn't need things to be more awkward than they already were. Tsuzuki acted as though nothing had happened. I wouldn't have been surprised if he had already forgotten about the incident on the train. It was probably for the best though, to forget that it had ever happened. Because I knew, despite my feelings, nothing had changed.

We would go back to Meifu in a few days and everything would go back to normal. We would attend staff meetings, go on cases, and do paper work. Just like we always had. And that anything that had happened on our vacation, particularly that incident, would be put in the past and forgotten. Tsuzuki and I would still be friends and partners, work partners that is.

Not that I minded of course. I was thankful that my feelings hadn't put too much of a strain on our friendship. Because even if we weren't "together" in that sense, we were still friends, which was better than nothing. And maybe. . .just maybe, Tsuzuki _would_ change his mind about his feelings towards me. Realize that he saw me as more than just a younger brother. Not now of course, but maybe in a few years from now. Or however long it took him, because I was willing to wait. After all, it wasn't as if our afterlives were going to end anytime soon.

I blinked as a shadow suddenly fell upon the page I had been staring at.

"Hisoka?"

What was he doing back so soon? He couldn't have been gone for more than fifteen minutes.

"Soka, it's been an hour."

Or not.

"Do you want to go in now?" Tsuzuki asked.

I closed my book and bit my lip. This was ridiculous. My cheeks were burning and I wasn't even _looking_ at him. I really needed to calm down and get this reflex under control.

"Um. . ." I hesitated.

"Please, Hisoka?" Tsuzuki whined. "You said you'd come in later."

"But-"

"Besides, we're on this vacation to have fun," he said, cutting me off. " And the last time I checked, sitting on the beach by yourself doesn't count."

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but feel the corners of my mouth tugging upwards into a smile.

"On the other hand, going into the water with me does." Tsuzuki added. "So come on." He smiled and held out his hand. "Please?"

". . .Okay," I agreed. I took his hand and Tsuzuki pulled me to my feet. I took out our room keys and dropped them on the blanket.

"Let's go," Tsuzuki grabbed my wrist and tugged me after him.

The water was dark blue and seemed to stretch on for miles. It was warm and wasn't as cold as I had half-expected it to be.

"Isn't this better than sitting on the beach?" Tsuzuki said as we waded deeper, the water rising slightly above our waists. I started as I felt something brush against my leg. I looked down to see some tiny fish swimming around me.

"Aa," I replied, watching the fish circle my legs once more before swimming off. I cringed as I felt water hit the side of my face. Tsuzuki snickered.

I shot him an annoyed look. "What was that for?"

Tsuzuki shrugged. "No reason. Just wanted to see your reaction." He splashed me again.

"Stop that," I snapped.

"Stop what?" Tsuzuki grinned and playfully splashed water at me.

I quickly turned my head away to avoid getting splashed in the face again. "Stop getting me wet."

"But you're already wet," he pointed out and shoved some water towards me.

I rolled my eyes. "Mostly because of you," I said and splashed him back.

This caught Tsuzuki completely off guard. I watched in mild amusement as Tsuzuki blinked in surprise before coming back to his senses.

"You know Hisoka, it's not really a water fight if you only splash back once," he teased.

"Baka," I muttered, smiling slightly. Feeling bolder, I took a step towards him and splashed him again.

Tsuzuki laughed and splashed me back. Water was soon flying in every direction as Tsuzuki and I furiously shoved water at each other. Tsuzuki was laughing and smiling, clearly enjoying himself. And I wasn't sure if it was because Tsuzuki's emotions were so strong, but I soon found myself smiling and laughing along with him. We stopped after a while, tired yet satisfied that the other was completely drenched.

"I think that's a tie," Tsuzuki grinned.

I nodded, still too out of breath to reply. And as I caught my breath, I slowly became aware of just how close Tsuzuki was standing near me. And of how good he looked without a shirt on, his lightly tanned skin glistening with water. The way his dark brown hair would catch the sun's rays. And the way my heart would nearly stop everytime his amethyst eyes met mine. . .

Crap. Why did Tsuzuki have to be so effing good looking? Then again it couldn't hurt to just _look_ at him, right?

. . .Or stare like an idiot, in my case. I inwardly sighed and resisted the urge to slap myself. But Tsuzuki was right there, merely _inches _away from me. I couldn't help it if I was hopelessly attracted to him. Or the fact that he was standing so close to me.

So close I realized, my mind slightly delirious from Tsuzuki's overwhelming happiness and possibly the heat, that I could probably kiss him. It wouldn't be that hard. All I had to do was lean up and press my lips against his and--

Wait, _what? _Kiss him?

I blinked and realized that I had unconsciously leaned up against Tsuzuki. Mortified, I quickly stumbled back.

"G-gomen," I said, unable to meet his gaze. My cheeks were burning and my heart was pounding. _'Baka!'_ I yelled at myself. What the hell was I thinking? There was _no way _I could kiss Tsuzuki. Not unless I wanted to make a fool of myself and possibly die of embarrassment.

"Hisoka, are you all right?" Tsuzuki asked concerned as he stepped towards me. "Your face is all flushed." He gently brushed my bangs aside and felt my forehead.

My breath caught in my throat. I really needed to get out of the water and rest. Before I did something I would regret later. Or before the heat got to me. On second thought, maybe it already had. I honestly wasn't sure anymore.

"I'm fine," I replied, pushing his hand away. "I. . .I'm just tired."

Tsuzuki lowered his hand, his expression worried. "Why don't we get out then?" he suggested. "That way you can rest."

I nodded and began to walk back towards the shore, Tsuzuki trailing after me. I could feel his concern rolling off in waves. Tsuzuki tended to accidentally project louder than usual when he was worried or anxious about something.

"Tsuzuki," I stopped walking and glanced back at him. "I'm not going to faint, you know."

Tsuzuki had been thinking about the time we had gone to Okinawa for a case. And because of the heat, I had fainted a few times, much to my embarrassment.

"Ah, right," Tsuzuki rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, realizing I had heard his thoughts. "Gomen, Hisoka. I was just --"

"Worried," I finished for him. "I know." I bit my lip and paused for a second. ". . .I'll tell you if I'm not feeling well, okay? So you don't have to worry so much."

My words put Tsuzuki somewhat at ease and I felt his anxiety drop.

He smiled. "Okay."

Tsuzuki and I reached the shore and headed over to where our things were. We sat on the blanket, wrapping our towels around ourselves. My heart, which had been pounding before, had returned to normal and I had thankfully managed to regain my composure. Tsuzuki and I sat in silence as we stared at the ocean. I turned and stole a glance at Tsuzuki. His face was relaxed, a faint smile playing on his lips.

_'Why couldn't it always be like this?' _I wondered, feeling a light breeze hit my face. Be this perfect. Be this calm and feeling like there wasn't a care in the world. Not having to worry about the stress that came with being a Shinigami.

"Feeling better?" Tsuzuki asked after a while.

I watched as the water lapped onto the sand, leaving behind a trail of white foam. "Aa,"

"I'm glad."

Although I couldn't see his face, I could tell he was smiling. I hesitated for a second, before leaning over and resting my head against Tsuzuki's shoulder. Normally, I would have been too nervous to do something this bold. But I had already tried to kiss Tsuzuki today and it couldn't get any worse than that, right? I tensed, waiting for his reaction but relaxed as Tsuzuki made no attempt to push me away.

"Tired?" he asked gently.

I slowly nodded. The soothing sound of the waves crashing and the warm breeze on my face were making me drowsy. I struggled to keep my eyes open as I attempted to watch a passing by seagull. But I eventually dozed off, relaxing against Tsuzuki as his shoulder slowly rose and fell with every breath he took.

* * *

A/N: I like how the ending for this chapter came out. But one of my favorite scenes is in the next chapter. I'm not sure if this happens to anyone else, but I've noticed a problem that I've been having lately. I'll get any amazing idea for a chapter or a new fic and it's all planned out in my head. . .but I can never get it down on paper. Any suggestions? Anyway, please remember to R&R!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

A/N: I'm surprised how quickly I managed to write this chapter. I half-expected to be on hiatus for a few months *sweat drops* Anyway, please enjoy the chapter and remember to R&R!

'_Italic' _are the characters' thoughts or emphasis on a specific word

**Bold** are memories

Gomen- I'm sorry

Okaa-san- Mother

Otou-san- Father

* * *

(Hisoka's POV)

I stirred and became dimly aware that someone was stroking my hair. I turned my head and unconsciously leaned into their touch. I opened my eyes and slowly blinked a few times. My vision cleared and I found myself staring up at Tsuzuki.

Tsuzuki stopped stroking my hair and smiled. "Hey, sleepyhead." he teased.

I immediately realized that I was no longer resting my head on Tsuzuki's shoulder. Instead I was laying on the blanket, my head in his lap. Oh gods. My eyes widened and my breath caught in my throat. I quickly sat up and scrambled to the far side of the blanket, my heart pounding. How did I--? Never mind, I didn't even want to know.

"Gomen, Tsuzuki," I apologized, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks. I quickly ducked my head, hoping to hide my blush. "I-I didn't mean to fall asleep on you like that."

"It's not your fault," Tsuzuki assured me. "Your body can't help it if it's tired."

I bit my lip and pulled my knees against my chest. ". . . Right." Great. Not only did Tsuzuki probably think I was completely out of my mind after I had tried to kiss him. But now he probably though I was a complete spaz after having flipped out just now.

Tsuzuki and I looked up at the sky as the sun was momentarily hidden by a passing cloud. The once clear blue sky had turned a murky grey and was filled with dark clouds. The wind blew and the once warm breeze had turned icy cold. I shivered as I felt the cold seep through my shirt.

"That's weird," Tsuzuki frowned, slipping his shirt back on. "They said it was suppose to be nice out today." Always the optimist, he turned towards me and smiled. "Maybe it's just some passing clouds."

I frowned and glanced at the horizon. I felt an uneasiness in the pit of my stomach as I stared at the ominously dark grey sky.

"Tsuzuki, I don't think those clouds are just passing by. I think--" I blinked in surprise as a drop of water hit the tip of my nose. A light drizzle began to fall.

Tsuzuki sighed. "Oh well. Hopefully this rain will hold off until --" He stopped mid-sentence as the heavens suddenly opened and it began to downpour. I cringed as I was soaked within seconds.

Tsuzuki grabbed his towel and stood up. "Come on," he said, offering me his hand. "We need to get back before this storm gets any worse."

I quickly grabbed my things and took his hand. Tsuzuki pulled me to my feet and I immediately helped his gather up the blanket. We hurried off the beach and back onto the street, holding our towels above our heads in a vain attempt to keep ourselves somewhat dry.

-o-

The door slammed shut behind us as we burst into our room ten minutes later. We stood in the living room panting, our clothes completely drenched from the rain. The room was silent except for the sound of the rain pounding against the window.

I shivered, my wet clothes clinging to my skin. I rubbed my arms in a useless attempt to warm myself. My gaze flickered towards the window.

_'Please let it just be rain. Please let it just be rain.' _I silently pleaded, watching the steady fall of rain hit the glass. A sudden flash of lightning lit up the room, followed by a loud rumble of thunder. I quickly bit my lip to prevent myself from crying out. Someone up there really must be getting a kick out of making my day miserable.

"I'm going to take a shower." I said, brushing past Tsuzuki.

"Oh, okay. Do you want me to make some coffee or tea?" Tsuzuki nodded towards the small kitchen.

I didn't reply and hurried down the hall towards the bathroom.

"Hisoka?"

I shut the bathroom door behind me and locked it. I started as I heard another rumble of thunder. I turned the shower on and made sure the water was warm enough to stop my shivering, partially due to the cold and to my fear. As the water grew warmer, steam began to fill the bathroom and clouded the mirror hanging above the sink. I took my clothes off and stepped into the shower, a small sigh escaping my lips as the water hit my cool skin. I washed myself and slid down the shower wall onto the floor. I hugged my knees against my chest and rested my head against the wall, listening to the sound of the water hitting the tile walls and the shower floor.

I didn't have to worry about thunder while taking a shower. The running water muffled the sound and temporarily calmed my fear. I wasn't sure how long I sat there, listening to the sound of the water, but I knew I needed to stop. As much as I would have liked to, I knew I couldn't sit in the shower all night. Tsuzuki was probably worried by now, thinking I had slipped in the shower or something. I knew if I didn't get out soon, I would hear a knock on the door, followed by Tsuzuki's voice asking me if I was alright.

I reluctantly stood up and shut the water off. I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off, before wrapping a towel around my waist. As I picked my clothes off the floor, I realized I had forgotten to grab some clean clothes.

Crap.

Which meant I had to go to my room practically naked, not counting the towel around my waist. I rubbed my temple and softly sighed. At least my bedroom was near the bathroom and not on the other side of the hotel room. I unlocked the door and peeked into the hallway. Tsuzuki it seemed, was still in the kitchen. Which was good because I would never forgive myself if he saw me like this.

"Shower's ready, Tsuzuki," I called and hurried towards my room.

"Alright," he called back. "I made some tea. Do you want some?"

"Maybe later," I answered and shut my bedroom door behind me. I jumped as the thunder rumbled again. I changed into my pajamas and ran a hand through my still damp hair. I grabbed a blanket off my bed and wrapped it around myself. I slid to the ground and leaned back against the bed. Lightning flashed through the window behind me, illuminating the dimly lit room where a single lamp hanging above my head was the only source of light. I cringed, hearing the thunder that followed the bright flash of light. It was stupid of me to be so frightened. I was a Shinigami for crying out loud. This should have been the least of my worries.

But thunderstorms seemed to be one of those fears I just couldn't get over. No matter how hard I tried. . . Because my memories weren't going to let me forget.

**The cell was dark and cold, a small window with bars high above my head was the only source of light. I sat on the cold stone floor, hugging my knees to my chest, a yukata covering my thin frame. Trembling, I pulled the thin blanket draped on my shoulders closer around me.**

**I could hear the sound of the rain falling heavily outside. My house, old with age, creaked and groaned with the force of the howling wind. Lightning flashed and my cell was lit up with a bright white light. A loud rumble of thunder followed and I quickly clapped my hands over my ears, hoping to block the sound. I buried my head in my arms and softly whimpered.**

**"Okaa-san. . .Otou-san. . .please," I whispered. My throat was raw from hours of yelling for my parents. For the servants. For somebody. **_**Anybody**_** to come downstairs to my cell. I sniffed and felt tears prick the corners of my eyes, but I made no move to wipe them away. I clutched my blanket and cringed as the sound of thunder echoed through the empty room. My shoulders began to shake as I cried out of fear. Out of loneliness.**

**There was no point in yelling anymore. Because on that day, I learned that no one was going to comfort me. No one was going to save me from this nightmare. I was alone and I was going to have to learn to accept that.**

**Because it was obvious that no one was going to come. Not now. . .not ever.**

A loud clap of thunder jerked me back to reality and I clapped my hands over my ears. I bit my lip, furious at myself as I felt tears beginning to form. Why did I have to be so childish? Why couldn't I get over this stupid fear and --

I buried my head against my knees as I heard the sound of thunder again. I shut my eyes as tears began to trail down my cheeks. I rubbed my eyes, but I couldn't get the tears to stop. My shoulders trembled as sobs began to wrack my body. I blinked and looked up as the light began to flicker. There was a flash of lightning followed by another clap of thunder. The light bulb above me gave a final flicker before going out completely. I was immediately surrounded by darkness.

Great. Because a blackout was what I really needed right now. I shivered and pulled my blanket closer around me. I really didn't like the dark, too many painful memories came with it. Memories I wish I could forget.

"Hisoka?"

I froze.

Tsuzuki stood in the doorway, his hair slightly damp from the shower he had just taken. He held a glowing fuda in his hand, which partially lit up the room.

. . .I knew I had forgotten to do something. Why hadn't I locked the door?

"The storm must have knocked the power out." Tsuzuki explained, stepping into the room. "I just wanted to see if you were alright."

My heart fluttered in a panic as he came closer. I quickly rubbed my eyes and tried to hide the fact that I was crying. No, no, no! Tsuzuki couldn't see me like this. I didn't want him to see me crying and looking like a pathetic mess.

He sat on the floor next to me and lightly touched my arm. I could feel tendrils of concern coming off him.

"I-I'm fine," My voice wavered as I spoke. "Really," I added, seeing the look of uncertainty on Tsuzuki's face.

"Really?" he repeated, leaning in. ". . .Then why are you crying?" Tsuzuki asked softly, his fingertips gently brushing away tears from my cheeks.

"I'm not crying!" I snapped, wincing as my voice cracked. I quickly looked away. "Why would I be--" A clap of thunder cut me off. I cringed and tried to bury myself deeper into my blanket.

". . .I didn't know you were afraid of thunderstorms, Hisoka."

I didn't reply and stared at the floor. "I know it's stupid." I said finally. ". . .But I just can't--"

I softly gasped as a particularly loud rumble of thunder sounded. And before I realized what I was doing, I quickly latched onto Tsuzuki.

"Hisoka?" Tsuzuki dropped his fuda as he caught me.

I buried my head against his chest, not caring if my tears wet his shirt. My hands tightly clutched his shirt as my shoulders began to tremble. Tsuzuki put his arms around me and held me against him.

"Shh," he soothed, stroking my hair. "Shh, Hisoka, it's okay. It's okay to be scared."

I knew I shouldn't be doing this. I could only imagine how pathetic I must have looked, clinging onto Tsuzuki and practically begging for his comfort. But I didn't care. I bit my lip and tightened my grip on his shirt as a flash of lightning lit the room. Tsuzuki's arms tightened around me as he held me closer.

"It's okay, Hisoka," Tsuzuki whispered against my hair. "Nothing's going to happen to you." He began to rub my back in an attempt to calm me. I felt his warm breath against my neck as he whispered soothing words into my ear.

I slowly relaxed in his arms and my shaking subsided as the warmth of his emotions washed over me. Tsuzuki smelled faintly of soap and the cologne he always wore. I nuzzled my head against his chest, comforted by his scent. Tsuzuki was so warm, much warmer than the blanket I had been using earlier. And it was so good to have his arms around me because for once, I wasn't afraid. I felt _safe_.

Tsuzuki began to hum softly as he continued to rub my back. I felt drowsy and was struggling to keep my eyes open. I rested my head against Tsuzuki's chest, finding solace in the sound of his voice and the steady beat of his heart, completely oblivious to the sound of thunder as it echoed throughout the room. And as I closed my eyes, I prayed that the thunderstorm wouldn't stop. Because although the storm frightened me, I wanted this moment with Tsuzuki and the feeling of having his arms around me to last just a little longer.

* * *

A/N: This is definitely one of my favorite scenes in this fic so far and I really liked how this chapter came out. Anyway, let me know what you think. Was this chapter good? Bad? So amazing that you're going to add this fic to your favorite stories list and myself to your favorite authors' list? Is anyone still reading this? *sweat drops* Please remember that reviews are greatly appreciated. Arigatou gozaimasu!


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: See chapter 1

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in like a year. College and work have kept me super busy as usual. Thank you so much for the reviews, I'm glad everyone really liked the thunderstorm scene. Anyway, here's the next chapter. Please remember to R&R!

_'Italic' _are the characters' thoughts or emphasis on a specific word

Baka- Idiot

Ohayou- Good morning

Arigatou- Thank you

Aa- Yeah

Ne- Hey

Gomen- I'm sorry

Ano- Um

Nani- What

* * *

(Hisoka's POV)

I slowly opened my eyes and squinted as sunlight streamed in through the window. Turing my head away, I sat up. I blinked in surprise as a blanket slipped off my shoulders and fell to my lap. I stared at my lap in confusion. _'That's weird, I don't remember getting into bed last night. So how did I. . .?'_

My eyes widened as images from the night before flashed through my mind. Sitting in my room as the thunderstorm raged on outside. Tsuzuki's face, lined with concern as he held up a fuda. The feel of his fingertips as he brushed my tears away. My hands tightly grasping Tsuzuki's shirt as I clung to him. The sound of his voice as he wrapped his arms around me.

I groaned and fell back against my pillow, my cheeks burning with embarrassment.

_'Baka!'_ I scolded myself. How could I be so stupid? It was one thing to be scared of thunderstorms. But to have a breakdown about it in front of Tsuzuki was definitely another. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. With the way I acted it was no wonder Tsuzuki thought of me as a younger brother.

_'Why do I have to be so pathetic?'_ I thought as I stared at the ceiling. I heard movement in the hallway and knew that Tsuzuki was awake. The thought of seeing Tsuzuki again after last night made me slightly nervous. But I knew that locking myself in my room avoiding him wasn't going to make things any easier. I got out of bed and changed my clothes. As I padded into the hallway I could hear the sound of Tsuzuki humming drifting in from the kitchen. I smelled coffee as I stepped into the mini-kitchen. Tsuzuki had his back towards me.

"Ohayou," I said hesitantly.

Tsuzuki turned and smiled when he saw me. "Ohayou, Hisoka," he greeted warmly. Tsuzuki was still dressed in his pajamas, his hair disheveled from sleeping. I blushed. How was it that someone could still be so good looking after just waking up?

"I made some coffee," Tsuzuki nodded towards a small steaming pot of coffee that sat on the counter. "Do you want some?"

I nodded and watched as Tsuzuki filled two mugs, adding plenty of sugar to his coffee.

"Arigatou," I said, accepting the mug he offered me. Coffee and tea were the only things I knew Tsuzuki could make without having to worry about my stomach. I wandered away from the kitchen and sat at the table near the window. The storm had passed earlier this morning and the sky was once again bright blue. I blew and took a sip of coffee, hoping the scalding liquid would somehow calm my nerves. I heard a chair scrap against the floor as Tsuzuki sat across from me.

"That storm was pretty bad last night," Tsuzuki said, staring out the window.

"A-Aa," I answered, feeling my stomach clench. Was Tsuzuki trying to be subtle about what had happened last night? Or maybe he was hinting that I should be the one to bring it up?

. . .No. No, Tsuzuki wouldn't do that. He wasn't good at being subtle about _anything_. I slowly traced the rim of my mug. Maybe I was over-analyzing this too much. Maybe it was best to just forget last night and go on as if nothing had happened. I bit my lip. But I didn't want that to happen, I felt the need to say something to him though. To apologize for acting like such an idiot or to thank him for being so kind and understanding and for simply being _there_. There was no need to Tsuzuki to check on me after the power had gone out. He didn't have to stay and comfort me because I was scared of a thunderstorm.

But he did. . .because that's the type of person Tsuzuki was. Kind and willing to help others. And although his willingness annoyed me at times. . .It was one of the things that had made me fall for him. Along with everything else about him.

"Hisoka?"

The sound of Tsuzuki's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I flushed as I realized I had been spacing out again.

"Are you alright? You haven't touched your coffee," Tsuzuki tilted his head. "Does it taste bad?"

"What?" I blinked. "No, no of course not. It-It's fine." I took my now half-empty mug and quickly finished the rest of my coffee. Not because I needed the caffeine, but mostly to show Tsuzuki that I appreciated his thoughtfulness. I resisted the urge to grimace as I set the empty mug down. Ew. The coffee had gone stone cold and left a bitter taste in my mouth.

"It's nice out today," Tsuzuki said, glancing out the window. "You get to decide what we're doing today since I picked yesterday. Is there anywhere you want to go?"

"Um," I hadn't really thought about it. There really wasn't anywhere particular I wanted to go. Up until now, I had simply gone along with whatever Tsuzuki had suggested. "Not really. . .Why don't we just walk around today?"

"We can go to that pastry shop again, right?" I nodded and he flashed me a bright smile. "I'll get dressed and then we can go, okay?"

_'Don't just sit there, you idiot,'_ My mind scolded as I watched Tsuzuki get up. _'Tell him!' _Ugh, easier said than done. I could barely get my thoughts straight, let alone figure out what I wanted to tell Tsuzuki. What was I suppose to say? _'Say something before he leaves!'_

I hastily got up and managed to grab Tsuzuki's sleeve. "Tsuzuki, wait."

He turned and gave me a curious look. "What?" His amethyst eyes met mine and I felt my breath catch in my throat. My mind went blank.

Crap.

"A-about yesterday," I bit my lip and racked my brain for something else to say. "I. . .I liked going to the beach with you." I said finally. "It was fun. Could-could we go again?"

Tsuzuki's eyes softened. "I had fun too and I'm glad you liked it." He smiled. "We could go again tomorrow if you want."

"I'd like that."

"Great." Tsuzuki shifted and I realized I was still holding onto him. I blushed and quickly let go. Embarrassed, I mumbled an apology. He waved my apology away and assured me that it was fine before leaving the room to get dressed.

I leaned back against the table and sighed. _'Gods, I have terrible follow through.'_ Oh well, at least I had said something somewhat decent rather than completely embarrassing myself. And although it wasn't exactly what I had wanted to say, it was better than nothing. With this slightly reassuring thought, I grabbed the empty mugs from the table and placed them in the sink. Tsuzuki came into the room as I was putting our mugs away.

"Ready to go?" Tsuzuki smiled. I nodded and followed him out the door.

-o-

I glanced at Tsuzuki as we left the dim sum restaurant where we had eaten lunch. Something was bothering him or rather something had been bothering him for the past few days. I had been tempted to ask him more than once what was wrong, but I held myself back. I didn't want to force Tsuzuki to tell me what was wrong if he didn't want to. But I hated knowing that something was bothering him and there was nothing I could do about it. The same helplessness I had felt back in Kyoto.

_'Why can't you tell me what's wrong? Don't you trust me?'_ I watched as Tsuzuki waited in line to get ice cream from a street vendor. Tsuzuki's troubles had been a nagging feeling in the back of my mind for the past few days, but today that feeling was extremely strong for some reason. _'What's been bothering you so much?'_ Tsuzuki had been fine a week ago. It wasn't until we came to Nagasaki for vacation that something had started to bother him and-

I froze as my mind was flooded with images from the train. Oh gods. How could I have been so _stupid_? Of course what had happened on the train was what was bothering him. Why wouldn't it? I mean, how awkward was it to find out that the partner you had been working with for more than a year had a huge crush on you?

_'But he said he was proud of me. He said he wasn't mad,'_ I desperately tried to reassure myself. _'He's acted like nothing's wrong.'_ This was true. But then again, how many times had Tsuzuki acted like things were fine when they really weren't? How many times had he walked into the office with a cheerful smile plastered on his face that would fool everyone at the Summons Section?

What if Tsuzuki didn't want me as his partner because of what had happened? No one in their right mind would want to be stuck with a pathetic lovesick partner. Especially if the feelings weren't mutual. What if Tsuzuki wanted a new partner? My stomach clenched. _'A new partner. . .' _

I didn't want Tsuzuki to get a new partner. Enma knows _I_ didn't want a new partner. I couldn't picture myself working as a shinigami if Tsuzuki wasn't my partner. The thought of not being able to see him everyday. . .

"Ne, Hisoka. Hisokaaa?"

"Eh?" I blinked and realized Tsuzuki was waving a small cup of ice cream in front of my face.

"Soka, your ice cream's going to melt if you don't eat it," Tsuzuki said cheerfully. "Unless you don't want it?" he teased. I flushed. "They were out of green tea, so I got you vanilla instead," Tsuzuki explained.

"It's okay," I muttered, taking the cup from him. The ice cream tasted mildly sweet, so I didn't mind. Tsuzuki and I kept walking as we ate. I ignored the various shops we passed as I silently debated whether I should ask Tsuzuki about what was bothering him. Tsuzuki was humming as he happily ate his cone. I stole a glance at him and immediately felt bad. He seemed so happy and relaxed right now. I didn't want to ruin his mood by bothering him with questions. I told myself I'd ask him later while my mind scoffed at me for being a coward.

Tsuzuki dragged me to the pastry shop he had wanted to visit despite my protests that we had just eaten lunch. I saved us a table near one of the windows while Tsuzuki ordered at the counter. He joined me a few minutes later, balancing a tray heavily laden with pastries in one hand while carrying a cup of tea in the other. I quickly took the cup from him, allowing him to get a better hold on the tray. My partner flashed me a grateful smile as he sat across from me. I sipped my tea and watched Tsuzuki in amusement. He ate with a childish delight that I found annoying at times but endearing at others.

We wandered aimlessly through Nagasaki for the rest of the day. We walked every street and alley, visiting different shops here and there. By the end of the day I was pretty sure we had walked the entire city. It was night now and Tsuzuki and I had decided to take a walk after dinner. The park was close to our inn and was situated near the water. The sky was clear and the moon was out, making the water shimmer. We stopped walking and leaned against the railing over looking the water. From where we stood, we could see some tall buildings off to the side, their bright lights standing out against the night. I could feel the minutes tick by as we stood there, admiring the view.

A minute...five minutes...ten minutes...

_'Figures. You're not going to say anything are you?'_ My mind asked with a sigh. _'Because you're scared of what he's going to say.'_

My hands tightened on the railing. Okay, so maybe I was a little scared. But I wasn't going to find anything out unless I said something.

"Tsuzuki,"

"Hisoka,"

I blinked and glanced at my partner. "Gomen. What were you going to say?"

Tsuzuki gave me a sheepish smile. "It's fine. You go first."

"Ano, Tsuzuki I..." I bit my lip and felt my throat begin to tighten. "Please don't get a new partner!" I blurted. "I know things have been awkward for the past few days and...And I'm sorry if what I said made you uncomfortable. I never meant for things to get like this." Tsuzuki stared, a bemused expression on his face.

And I immediately wished I could take back what I had said. Crap. This conversation made more sense in my head. But now that I had actually said it, I realized how pathetically desperate I sounded. I hurried on, hoping I could somewhat redeem myself. "B-but if you'd rather have another partner, then I don't mind. I mean, it's not that I don't mind because I do mind. Of course I mind-"

Oh gods. What the hell was I rambling about? _'Shut up, shut up, shut up!'_

"-you don't have to stay if you don't want to. If you're not happy then I'm not going to force you to stay because that would be really selfish of me and..." I trailed off and an awkward silence settled.

_'Kill me now.'_ I bit my lip, praying that the earth would open up and swallow me whole. Or that by some freak chance, Enma would take pity on me and allow me to die again.

Tsuzuki frowned. "Hisoka," he said slowly. "I don't want a new partner."

"I-what?" I blinked. "You-you don't?"

"No." He shook his head. "What made you think I did?"

"It's-it's just that..." My cheeks began to burn and I suddenly felt very stupid. Stupid for assuming things and for jumping to conclusions.

"Actually, I'm surprised this isn't the other way around." Tsuzuki sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "None of my other partners have ever stayed this long." He turned towards me and smiled. "...You're a great partner, Hisoka." My partner lowered his gaze and looked out at the water again. I watched as an unreadable expression came over his face.

"Tsuzuki, are you all right?" I asked hesitantly. I could feel a sense of anxiety coming off of him. Why was he suddenly so nervous?

"Fine. I-I'm fine," he said quickly. Clearly he wasn't.

"...You've had a lot on your mind lately." I said quietly.

Tsuzuki froze for a second before quickly regaining his composure. "Aa," he sighed. "I...I've just been thinking about a lot of things."

Now what? Did I leave it at that or did I encourage him to go on? I chewed my lower lip, uncertain of how to respond. I wasn't used to these sort of things, getting people to open up to me. That was more Tsuzuki's area of expertise, not mine.

Tsuzuki shifted his weight and I suddenly realized how close he was. When had he moved? My heart quickened and I wondered how I could step away without seeming too obvious.

"Ano..." he faltered. "I-It's just-"

Curious, I watched as my partner struggled to find the right words. Tsuzuki usually never had trouble saying what was on his mind. Blathering idiot was my job, not his.

"I...Can I tell you something?" Tsuzuki finally asked, his voice slightly anxious.

I tilted my head. "Nani?"

"I-" He paused for a second before continuing. "I like you."

I stared. "...Eh?"

* * *

A/N: Yes, I know I'm a terrible person for ending it here. I'm sorry! But I felt the need to break my chapter up because it was getting too long for my liking. I know this is the part everyone's been waiting for, especially after Tsuzuki's rejection in chapter one. On a random note I took Japanese 101 during fall semester and went in thinking I was so cool because I knew all these random words and phrases...And discovered it was actually a lot harder than I thought it would be. Like REALLY hard . Having studied French since middle school, the whole concept of conjugating a verb three ways (affirmative/negative/question) without any distinction of whether it's he,she,you,they was sorta mind-blowing. Oh and the fact that there's three alphabets and that kanji that can have a bunch of different meaning depending on its position or whether its placed with other certain characters. I manged to get a C+ in the class, which I'm really grateful for. But I wasn't really comfortable with my skills to take Japanese 102 this semester. I'm thinking about retaking 101 in the fall as a refresher and to prove to myself that I can get a better grade, like possibly a B+ or an A. But overall the class was a lot of fun, my sensei was really nice but a little strict and I had fun bonding with my classmates about anime and japanese culture :) Anyways, my rant aside, please remember to R&R!


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